It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
