you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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