Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do vagina's smell?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
