They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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