I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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