I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
