is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
