My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
