Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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