Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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