sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
