Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
