you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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