Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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