I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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