I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
