apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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