Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
