Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
