what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
