i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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