Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
