He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
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40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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