Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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