Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
