I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize