From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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