Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
