textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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