As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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