He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
