piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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