Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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