she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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