Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
