Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
