I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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