Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My hand turned me down
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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