you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
