i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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