Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
