My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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