Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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