If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
