I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
