I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
