I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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