so let's talk penis.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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