Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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