you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
