ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
