he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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