Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
