I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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