I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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