i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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