i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish you could order shots online.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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