i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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