we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
