i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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