girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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