I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
