So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
