you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
