Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
