You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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