I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
