Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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