I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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