i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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