I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my being single is dangerous.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
