I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think i peed on brittanys purse
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
