You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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