I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
